Coping After Suicide

Coping after suicide

“How do I cope with losing a loved one to suicide?”

Suicide Bereavement

It is always deeply painful when we lose someone close to us, whether it was a death from natural causes or a sudden loss, but suicide bereavement can often be more complex as it is layered with overwhelming emotions and challenges. The impact of a suicide is uniquely personal but it can also be felt far and wide throughout a community. There is often a feeling of personal responsibility, although usually unjustified, and survivors struggle with guilt, often replaying events and wondering if they could have prevented the death in any way. There are likely to be intense periods of sadness and confusion, repeatedly asking ourselves “What if…” or “If only…” as we search for meaning in unanswerable questions. We may feel abandoned or angry towards the person who died, wondering why they ‘chose’ to do this, and along with self-blame we often get angry at mental health services, family dynamics, and societal pressures that we perceive as part of the cause.

There is no right or wrong way to react

The shock of suicide is traumatic and we can find difficulty in accepting the reality of the death. Emotions will be unpredictable and often suicide grief can take longer to work through than a typical bereavement. There is no right or wrong way to react. Friends and family may not know how to offer support which can lead to feelings of isolation and the social stigma and misunderstanding that suicide carries can also make us feel judged or reluctant to reach out and talk about our grief.

Be kind to yourself

During this bereavement period, it is important to be kind to yourself. Great healing can be found in talking to someone about your loss, but only when you feel ready to do this. Sharing memories of your loved one’s life, and not just their death, can help to reframe the grief but don’t rush yourself to do this. Talking to others who have lost someone to suicide or support groups specifically for suicide loss survivors can be especially beneficial in healing and offering hope. There will be a necessary understanding from someone who has experienced bereavement by suicide. It is okay to feel overwhelmed during this traumatic time and it’s okay to seek support. The organisations below are here to help you.